Friday, October 16, 2009

A New Contributor

by Rogue

We have just added a new contributor: The one and only

This guy has been writing about apocalypse preparedness for some time.

Actually, we only got him to join because he writes more than we do, and we suckered him into posting all of his old posts here.

He's a bit of a wussy, really. I don't think he'd last five minutes in the aftermath, even in his armored dune buggy.

Tai Chi Zombie Fighting

by Jonty
Originally posted on Jonty City

I've been thinking a lot about the zombie apocalypse idea, and what it would take to survive. (The slow "Brains" kind of zombie. If we get the "28 Weeks Later" kind, we're f-ed.)

Obviously, the big issue is not getting infected, so blades are a sucky idea. And they will keep on coming until they physically cannot move anymore. So we need martial arts. Sophisticated martial arts.

The most sophisticated martial art on the planet, I'm told, is Tai Chi. It's practiced very slowly, so no one who practices it actually knows how to fight anything other than a sports replay. That's okay for us, because zombies are slow!

Just think about it.

I'm Cheating on my Wife...

by Jonty
Originally posted on Jonty City

Every fourth weekend, I leave town. my wife thinks I'm in the Army Reserves. Actually, I'm driving to Watauga Lake and working on my raft.

Basically, I can foresee three basic post-apocalyptic worlds:

1) A hellish, post-nuclear holocaust world somewhat like Barstow

2) Escaping to outer space and searching for a new homeworld


3) Waterworld.

I'm really doing this for my wife. I don't think she'd survive the first two options.

Darn This International Helium Shortage!

by Jonty
Originally posted on Jonty City

I have mentioned in a past blog how important I think dirigibles will be in the future, but we have hit a snag.

There is a worldwide helium shortage.

Apparently almost all of the world's helium comes from a 250-square-mile area around Amarillo, Texas. It is produced over a period of billions of years when natural gas hangs around uranium and thorium. If you don't carefully catch it during the natural gas extraction, it immediately books it for the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

It is estimated that we will run completely out of helium some time before the end of this century.

The U.S. government has a vast stockpile of it -- about 32 billion cubic feet of it -- but they are selling it off like crazy, even though they need it themselves. NASA needs about 75 million cubic feet of it each year, and they're having trouble keeping it in stock.

So what am I supposed to use in my post-apocalyptic dirigible? Hydrogen? Not likely with cannibalistic mutants shooting flintlocks at me.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

More Fans of Blowing up the Moon

by Jonty
Originally posted on Jonty City

C. Van Carter has also expressed support for blowing up the moon.

See it here. He is brilliant.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Remember your Evil Robot Insurance

by Jonty
Originally posted on Jonty City

If the robots really do take over, be sure to have Evil Robot Insurance.

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Robot Takeover Has Already Started... in Sweden.

by Jonty
Originally posted on Jonty City

I recently wrote about a possible robot takeover of civilization as an option for the Today, I discovered that it has already started. In Sweden?

Apparently, a giant rock-moving robot grabbed its repairman by the head and tried to snap him like a Slim Jim.

My guess is that he was heading towards the wiring mistake that was the cause of its sentience. Like in the Short Circuit movies.

That was a great movie. Perhaps I'll review it soon.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I Forgot an Apocalypse!

by Jonty
Originally posted on Jonty City

Oh my god, I completely forgot a whole category of apocalypses:

Robot Takeover.

It's so obvious. Thank goodness we have Keanu Reeves to save us with his lame computer kung-fu.